NOVEMBER-DECEMBER-JANUARY UPDATE!
To start, in late October I started getting worse. I was becoming argumentative, hyper-manic, and defiant. I ended up going to Europe for one month on November 14th of last year. I was in Germany for 4 days, Romania for 2.5 weeks, and Germany for another 10 days after that. I had a GREAT time! It was so much fun. However, it was a huge struggle w/ my panic attacks getting worse and occurring while overseas and alone. I WAS able to brave through every panic attack I had. But there were some really horrible times. One time, I was on a 5.5hr train from Sibiu, Romania back to Bucharest, the capitol. I had a HORRIFIC panic attack that lasted the entire time, and I was becoming sick with Giardia–which I caught from the tap water. (It's unsafe to drink, I now know...) I was also having severe bone aches and joint pain because of the Giardia. It was like 30ºF outside, and the heat wasn't working on the train–so I was MISERABLE. My phone's data coverage also wasn't working... So it was just me sitting and suffering in silence for 5 and a half hours. Once I got back to the USA in mid-December, my panic attacks took a severe turn for the worst. I started having horrible panic attacks almost daily. Hours long anxiety attacks, severe crying, suicidal ideation, horrible OCD and intrusive thoughts... Things didn't really get better until I had my most recent DBS adjustment appointment up at UW in Seattle on the 8th of January. At my appointment, my team was surprisingly kind of unsure how to proceed. They didn't really know how to help me further. I offered a suggestion of turning-up my stimulation parameters by .2mA's–and they agreed. It has helped A LOT since then. The panic attacks I have been having have been way less severe and I'm having less OCD symptoms. However, I am kind of manic, though. Which is annoying and manifests when I talk and converse. My team wants to have a consult with Dr. Figee @ Mt. Sinai in NYC. (He's the DBS for OCD top-expert.) However, he is having issues setting up an appointment via Medtronic. I've tried contacting him via his personal email and have had no luck hearing back. I am still awaiting the FDA approval of Adaptive–which is the Japanese Medtronic technology that suppresses brain spikes with a jolt of stimulation AT THAT MOMENT. Then slowly backs off the stimulation once your brain activity and stimuli slow down/get better. I am anxiously awaiting this technology as I feel it will really help me. I am still seeing my therapist once every 2 weeks. We (me and my Mom) toured a mental health inpatient/residential program facility in Seattle. It was awful–completely woke and nonsensical!
I am now just kind of doing what I've been doing... Laying on the couch everyday not doing anything. I'm sick of this life, but I feel as though I'm hopeless in changing. I am ready to start my life and get a job and be independent again. It's so hard dealing with all of this.
Anyways, that's just an update on me re/ the last few months. I will try to be more active on here in the next few weeks + coming months. I will make sure I update you all on any changes to my DBS and symptoms. I will also continue to post information and helpful insights. I will share studies, research, and any medical journal entries that I deem relevant.
Thanks for the support, as always!